Children's school days

If you are a parent, you would be in the thick of education issues. My eldest is just in primary two. Chief among the issues were/ are choosing the right kindy, choosing the right primary school, the right type of primary school (government, private, international, and in Malaysia - if government, whether the main stream or the mother-tongue schools), the right tutors, extra-curricular activities. For me, at the moment, that's about it.

And the competition these days is tough. Just a one mark difference makes a huge difference. Before my son went to school, I told myself that I would let him develop his academic prowess at his own pace, that I wouldn't force or make him study hard to get the "A" grades, that I would accept his strengths or limitations (of course every parent would rather deal with the former), that I would not compare him to his friends and that I would not expect him to be like I was when I was a student. For the record (and humbly saying this, too) I was a straight A student. My parents never had to worry about my grades and they did not ever sit down with me to study.

I am disappointed to say that I have fallen short of what I intended to do - I have found myself pushing my son to do better, sitting down with him for homework and revision and yelling at him whenever he makes a mistake in mathematics or does not comprehend a principle, expecting more when he improves, and of course giving him long lectures when he disappoints me. Am I caught up in the system of grades? Am I not seeing the big picture, that childhood is to be enjoyed and cherished, and that education while essential, should not eclipse the wonderful years of growing up and being loved unconditionally by parents?

My good friend told me that she too examines herself and asks herself how she would like her children to remember her as. I guess that's a good question to take stock of - a loving, supportive yet firm mother; or a mother who loves but demands performance and results in return.

I see the hurt on my son's face when my words to him are harsh and cutting, and I want him to know that I love him so much, but I worry that in this unrelenting world, will he get by fine if he isn't one of the "top" performers? My hubby tells me it is no guarantee that academic performance equates to success later in life. I guess that's true. We have many famous personalities who are living proof of that.

So, I need to get my balance. The right amount of encouragement, of push, yet enough slack so the child doesn't feel stifled and pressured. I need to work on that.