04 August 2011

Me - You = Blue

Strangers + Physical Attraction = Relationship = Love = Marriage

Friends + Physical Attraction = Relationship = Love = Marriage

Friends + Personality Attraction - Physical Attraction = ?


If only life were that simple, huh?

I happened to catch Zak and Sara's program on Lite FM where they invite listeners to call in with their problems, and together with other callers' input, they would try to impart some helpful advice to the caller with the problem.

Zak and Sara are a funny, energetic and entertaining duo. I quite enjoy their programs, and yes I like Lite FM too!

Well, this week a gentleman called in. His problem in a nutshell: he has a really great lady friend, they get along famously and he thinks she is a wonderful person. He has known her for 5 years and one thing led to another, and they started dating. Then his parents ask him when he's getting married. With things getting serious, he says he is not sure he wants to marry this great gal he is dating because she is beautiful on the inside but doesn't have great looks on the outside.

Hmmmm....tough one huh?

We would all love to say, beauty is only skin deep and what matters is the person on the inside because that remains for always. At one time or another, I (maybe you too?) thought that too, and I also thought that once you fall in love, that's it. You never fall out of love. Then came life and its lessons. Ohhhh.......people do fall out of love, that's why couples (married or dating) break up, and uh, a great friend sometimes just can't be your romantic other half.

Back to the caller's issue.

Zak says: If you don't find her attractive, you can't marry her because sooner or later, you will resent her, or worse, cheat on her. Be fair to both you and her, and walk away.
Sara says: If you really like her for who she is, it doesn't matter that she's not gorgeous because who she is, how you get along and how she treats you are more important.

I have 2 real life examples that I think come pretty close to this situation.

Example 1:
A close guy friend once confided that he didn't find his wife attractive. I asked him if this was a new development. He must have found his wife attractive to have dated and then married her. He replied that when he was dating his wife, he knew she was no beauty, even in his eyes, but at that time, with age catching up and the pressure to settle down building, he settled for his wife. After marriage, the lack of physical attraction proved to be a real problem. Ultimately, they divorced.

Example 2:
Another guy friend has only ever had one girlfriend whom he married. They carried on a long distance relationship for some 5 years during their courtship before getting married. He is friendly, sociable, well-mannered and good-looking. His wife is reserved to the point of being unfriendly if you don't know her, heavy-set and plain. Yet this friend has only eyes for her.

So, is there really a solution for this caller? Could example 1 be an indicator of a doomed marriage if the caller is already now expressing reservations about the looks of his girlfriend? Or will he learn to accept her as she is and love her inner qualities?

(images courtesy of layoutsforlove.com and wallpapersonweb.com)

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